


things I'll never say

by torigates



Category: Primeval
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-04
Updated: 2013-11-04
Packaged: 2017-12-31 12:16:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1031621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/torigates/pseuds/torigates
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Becker watched helplessly from the twenty-first century side of the anomaly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	things I'll never say

  
The ARC team was devastated by the loss of three of their most important members. Becker watched helplessly from the twenty-first century side of the anomaly, completely powerless and unable to rescue Abby, Connor, and Danny. No one even knew if they were alive to be rescued.

Becker stood on as Lester screamed, pleaded, and negotiated to the best of his ability, trying to keep the ARC functioning, trying to keep the government out, trying to keep them doing the work they’d been doing all these years, trying to protect the people he had left.

Then Sarah died.

Sarah died and the fight went out of Lester. The fight went out of Becker too. Not that either of them wanted to give up on the ARC or what they were doing there, of that much Becker was sure, without ever speaking a word on the subject with Lester. The two of them were left to carry on the work that so many others had died trying to complete, and Becker would always feel that loyalty to those they had lost. He suspected the same was true of Lester, though the other man would never admit it. Becker wasn’t particularly fond of admitting it either.

So they carried on, or tried to anyway. Lester made one concession, and then another, and before long the ARC was completely militarized, which was okay by Becker, mostly, the military being his background and all. It was nice, in a way to have more structure in their missions, and to have things go smoother and according to plan every once in a while.

It was also colder somehow. Becker kept himself detached from the other men, and the new members of the team. There was something about Matt that he didn’t trust, or maybe couldn’t bring himself to be able to trust. In the short time Becker had been at the ARC, they’d lost so many people. It was easier this way, to keep things separate. To keep them professional.

Then Jess came along.

She was young and friendly and always happy and _always_ talking. At first, it was easy to tune her out. He had other things that he needed to be focused on: training the new men, bringing everyone up to speed, keeping things running while Lester had it out with the Minister. Jess was always there in the background, doing thoughtful things like making a pot of tea in the morning, or helping out with the new reports that they had to produce for every mission. She was competent and efficient at her job, and Becker respected that. He just couldn’t bring himself to care about her. Wouldn’t _let_ himself care about anyone else.

Eventually, things fell into the new routine. Things went smoothly, disasters were averted, and everyone was happy — even Lester. Becker had secretly thought for years that the man was incapable of happiness.

Becker was eating lunch in the cafeteria, mentally composing the report he was going to have to write for their last mission. The team had prevented a herd of Stegosauruses from coming through the anomaly, but one had made it through, and done collateral damage to a few nearby cars before they’d been able to chase it back to its own time. Becker was trying to think of a positive way to say “trampled six cars,” but so far nothing had come to mind.

Jess sat down in front of him, putting her lunch tray down on the table. She smiled at him in greeting, and he nodded in return.

“Good work today,” she told him.

Becker just shrugged. There really was no way to say trampled without it sounding terrible. It _was_ terrible. That dinosaur destroyed six cars, and Becker was just lucky that there weren’t any human beings inside them, because then he’d have civilian casualties alongside destruction of property, and he didn’t think he could handle that right now.

“It was,” Jess told him. “You kept your cool, and you got everyone through safe. That matters,” she told him.

Becker really looked at her then, sitting across from him, a small smile on her face. She looked happy and proud, and he knew he shouldn’t let that matter to him, but it did. It did matter.

“Thank you,” he said.

Jess smiled again, and it lit up her whole face. She began to talk about the mission, and Becker listened with fascination to how everything played out from her point of view. It was amazing the different perspective she added, one which Becker wouldn’t have previously considered.

“So listen,” he asked after a moment. “Can you think of a way for me to put a positive spin on that Stegosaurus trampling the cars? Because Lester gets angry when I say things like that outright; he says it makes him look bad.”

Jess laughed. “ _Is_ there a positive spin to that? I mean, that dinosaur got those cars pretty good.”

Becker sighed. “I know. I’ve been sitting here for the past thirty minutes trying to come up with something. So far nothing.”

Jess reached out and patted his arm reassuringly. “You’ll come up with something,” she told him.

Becker highly doubted that. “Well, I appreciate the confidence,” he told her, rising to his feet.

Jess followed him, and the two of them walked out of the cafeteria together. Becker knew he had to get back to the paperwork. Lester got grumpy when he left things too long, and the man was already going to be in a snit over the ruined cars. “I’m just sorry I wasn’t able to be more help,” she told him, falling into step next to him.

Becker looked down at her, and knew she was being genuine. It would be easy to like Jess, she was kind, happy, and always willing to help, but after what happened to the other members of his team, Becker knew he had to keep his distance. “You’ve been very helpful,” he told her. “Thank you.”

She beamed up at him, and opened her mouth to say something else. Becker cut her off. “I’ll see you later,” he said, walking away. He didn’t let himself look back. 


End file.
